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BeastCount update!

23 Mar


On Friday I had Indian food for lunch including an awesome goat curry. For dinner that night we went out for sushi, and I managed a perfectly respectable four tasty species of fishes: salmon, tuna, amberjack, and mackerel. The sushi, incidentally, while not paleo (I opted to have rice instead of either getting straight up sashimi or asking if they could put it on cucumber), was incredible. Lots of tasty morsels!

This brings the total to 14. I have some lamb for Monday, but otherwise I think I need to start going out of my way a little to add additional beasts at a more regular rate.



21 Mar

I know all three people who read this are on the edge of your seats to know: “HAS THE CAVE HEDONIST EATEN ANY MORE BEASTS? LIKE SERIOUSLY GUYS I CAN’T HANDLE NOT KNOWING OMG!”

Here’s an update:

I ate some crab over the weekend.

Now I’m up to nine beasts. (Chicken, pig, cow, yak, elk, anchovy, turkey, buffalo, and now crab.)

Feast of a Thousand Beasts Update

14 Mar


Since the last time I posted, I’ve had:

  • Turkey
  • Pork (the last of the homemade bacon! so sad!)
  • Buffalo (delicious Tanka bites! the finest of snacks!)
  • Anchovies (in the form of the Asian fish sauce and Worcestershire sauce that I tend to slather over everything)

I’m also retroactively adding elk to the list. I know that’s cheating, but this project is more about my own curiosity to figure out what percentage of Noah’s Ark I’ve gleefully devoured than anything else.

This brings my total count to a measly 8 beasts.

At the end of this month I’m attending a medieval culinary symposium, one of the highlights of my year. I anticipate that a great many beasts may be added to the list.

The reader may notice the greatest deficiency: sea beasts. I like fish for the most part (and I love crab with an unholy fervor), but Better Half hates all things fish-like. I can sometimes get her to eat salmon, and I have observed her eating canned tuna of her own volition. Other than that, she pretty much won’t eat any fish. Since it’s also kind of expensive (if you want to get the good stuff, and if you’re not getting the good stuff I’m hard pressed to see the point) I don’t usually cook it at home.

Additionally, I will not, under any circumstances, eat cephalopods. In fact, this is the only ethical food restriction that I have ever adhered to for any length of time. I was a vegetarian (and later a vegan) briefly, I used to not eat bunnies and ducks because I think they are “cute,” but now I’m the kind of horrible person who eats foie gras and veal whenever I can get my fat little mitts on some. It’s not that I don’t have ethical feelings about food (I buy local, I work hard to investigate the sources of my food, especially meats, and more), I just don’t seem to have the usual ones.

But cephalopods are different. I watch a lot of Tony Bourdain’s body of work, and there have only been two times that I have averted my eyes: once when he ate something seemingly innocuous which made me feel really queasy (I don’t actually remember what this was, but I remember Better Half made fun of me — it was probably a deep fried Twinkie) and once when an octopus was about to be killed. I get sad at sushi restaurants when I see squid or octopus or cuttlefish. If calamari really were made from pork bungs, I’d order it. And this is also the only area where I’ll get genuinely upset by the thought that other people eat these animals that I don’t eat — when I think about how many cephalopods end up on dinner plates, I feel sick to my stomach.

I can’t really explain this. Cephalopods are incredibly intelligent, but so are pigs. They’re beautiful creatures with a complex social world, but so are geese. They are perfectly happy to live out their wild lives without us interfering, but so are salmon, and crab, and pheasants, and deer. It’s a double standard. I know that. But I still love them and can’t deal with the idea of eating them.

I feel as strongly about eating cephalopods as I do about eating whales. Hell, maybe more so — I was pretty incensed that I couldn’t eat that whale that got caught in the Klamath river a couple of years ago, and if I had a chance to eat an orca that had been traditionally harvested by First Nations people, I would probably try it (although I think I’d also possibly feel horrible afterwards). But I don’t think I could ever, EVER eat an octopus.

I like to believe that when our Squid Overlords rise up out of the sea and finally take their places as rightful rulers of the land, I might be spared the worst of their wrath. I think that perhaps they will allow me to dance for their amusement with my laughably insufficient number of limbs.

I’m pretty sure the rest of you are all totally boned, though.


Nibbler has a posse

7 Mar

Nibbler has a posse

Let’s do this, little buddy.

New project: Keeping track of how many species of animal I eat in a year, starting retroactively from March 1st. I’ll only track each beast once, although obviously “pig” and “cow” and “chicken” are regular features in my diet.

Eaten this week so far: Yak, beef, chicken.

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